On August 10, 2008, former Subway sandwich spokesman and worldwide man of aquatic thriller Michael Phelps set the world document for the 400m particular person medley with a time of 4:03.84. I can’t compete with this famed sultan of splish-splash when it comes to athletic underwater artistry, reasonably priced sandwich promotion, or showing as myself on an episode of the classic USA series Suits, however a surgical butterfly stroke isn’t a prerequisite for world document immortality. If there’s one factor I know with each fiber of my being it’s that I’ve watched all seven seasons of the hit Amazon sequence Bosch quicker than distinguished Olympian Michael Phelps.
Let’s again up. Over the previous three years I dove headfirst into the soothing waters of the Bosch fandom by writing two distinctive articles: “I Texted The Word ‘Bosch’ To 100 People To See What Would Happen” and “Convincing Funko To Make A ‘Bosch’ Pop Was Way More Difficult Than I Imagined.” I penned these important items of nonsensical web Americana regardless of having by no means watched a single minute of Bosch. With the ultimate season set to premiere Friday, June 25 on Amazon, I knew what I had to do. After the whole lot Bosch and I had been by, merely streaming the present wouldn’t be sufficient. Bosch the sequence, Bosch the character, and the little piece of Bosch who lives inside every one of us deserved higher. If I was going to full my trilogy of Bosch articles, I had to do it my method. The proper method. The Bosch method.
On Tuesday, June 15 at 9:00 a.m. ET, I launched into a daring feat of journalistic heroism as I started my quest to turn into the quickest particular person in recorded historical past to binge all seven seasons (68 episodes) of Bosch.
Every Episode Counts Or No Episode Counts
If you’re unfamiliar with the stealthy charms of Amazon’s long-running drama, the sequence stars residing legend Titus Welliver because the titular Harry Bosch, a steely Los Angeles Police detective who loves justice, his daughter, jazz, quoting Kurt Vonnegut’s “Slaughterhouse-Five,” and Fat Tire beer. I stumbled upon a succinct abstract of the present throughout my record-breaking binge session.
Becoming the quickest Bosch-binger on earth wasn’t the way in which I initially deliberate to full my trilogy of Bosch articles. On March 3, 2020, I despatched an e-mail to myself titled “Bosch 3: Key To The City Edition,” which contained notes about doubtlessly making an attempt to safe the TV present Bosch a key to town. Somewhere in an alternate, non-pandemic universe, I’d be in Los Angeles this week, making small speak with Mimi Rogers and Jamie Hector and covertly smooth pitching my Bosch spinoff spec script (In order to catch a gentleman thief with a penchant for mischief and homicide, Bosch goes undercover at Six Flags Magic Mountain) to Michael Connelly and Eric Overmyer.
I’ve stated it earlier than and I’ll say it once more: The suppose the coronavirus is unhealthy.
My voyage into the good streaming unknown started on Tuesday, June 15 at 9:00 a.m. ET and ended on Friday, June 18 at 5:49 p.m. ET. 68 superb episodes in 80 hours and 49 minutes. I usually used a Video Speed Controller to watch the sequence at 1.2-1.5 velocity or to transfer the present alongside throughout stakeout scenes, however I guarantee you that I watched every fantastic episode. It was a no naps, heaps of snacks Bosch bonanza.
Day 1: Episodes 1-20: Hold Fast, Die Young, Bad Girls Will Be Caught By Bosch
I love Bosch. I knew I would. Titus Welliver’s magnetic efficiency deserves a compromised proof bag full of Emmys. The present appears like a combination between Justified (an all-time great) and Sneaky Pete (an underrated Amazon sequence), and whereas I was totally entertained, I underestimated the quantity of Bosch a human being can moderately be anticipated to take in in a 24-hour interval. When I concocted this harebrained fever dream of an concept, I foolishly assumed it will take me about two days. There are 68 episodes of Bosch (I had entry to Season 7 screeners), and I clocked the typical episode time at round 45 minutes, which equals 3060 minutes (51 hours). While my detective work was sound, my analytical reasoning was severely missing. Classic boot move.
I’m an grownup. I personal a briefcase. I suppose most bars are too loud. The different day I heard Rod Stewart’s “Maggie May” and stated, “They don’t make ’em like Rod anymore,” and you realize what? I meant it. But I nonetheless genuinely believed that by skipping the intros and enhancing the velocity, I’d have the opportunity to watch Bosch for 48-straight hours. I was mistaken. At the top of my first day, I had consumed two full seasons of Bosch... and I wasn’t even shut to the midway level. It was demoralizing. By the top of the evening I discovered myself reciting a well-known catchphrase followers of the sequence know all too properly:
My journey to the middle of the Bosch was solely in the future previous, however I was demoralized. Thankfully, my sacrifice would (in all probability) be without end commemorated by Guinness World Records. Before we proceed, right here’s a photograph of Bosch flirting.
Day 2: Episodes 21-36: Take A Look, It’s In A Murder Book, A Reading Rainbow
I’m the kind of one that doesn’t essentially need to attend your social gathering however might be devastated if I’m not invited. It’s not a very enticing trait, however, sadly, I’m not actively engaged on private development at this level in time. I point out this as a result of Guinness World Records provides everybody the chance to apply to break one of their 47,000 world data totally free. Do I want a world document? No. Do I need the adulation that comes with breaking a world document? You wager your Musso & Frank Grill present certificates I do. But due to what I’m assuming is a clerical error, Guinness doesn’t have a listed document for quickest Bosch binge.
I was in an actual pickle. I don’t personal a tandem bicycle nor do I possess the requisite creative finesse to take part in, not to mention dominate, the aggressive origami mouth recreation. Luckily, my buddies at Guinness permit you to “suggest a new record title” for a non-refundable payment of $5.00.
Money properly spent. Before we transfer on, I’d like to thank Bosch for offering me with the right retort the subsequent time one of my nieces or nephews asks me to purchase wrapping paper or a scented candle for his or her fundraiser du jour.
Day 3: Episodes 37-50: And All That Jazz!
There was just one small hiccup in my in any other case flawless plan: My utility would take up to 12 weeks to course of. Oh, I’m sorry, Guinness. Is my vital work retaining you from excessive tea with the bee beard man? So it goes.
My temper heading into Day 3 was a mixture of fatigue and despair. I wasn’t watching Bosch 24/7, however by my calculations I streamed Bosch for 27 of 48 hours in the course of the first two days. My editors at Decider lightened my schedule, however I nonetheless had to work on a couple of articles throughout my history-making quest for binge-watching glory. It’s kinda like if Neil Armstrong was requested to write “When Will ‘I Dream of Jeannie’ Season 4 Be on Netflix?” on his method to changing into the primary particular person to stroll on the Moon, which is ludicrous. Netflix was solely delivering DVDs by mail in 1969.
Despite the grueling quantity of hours, watching Bosch for cash is a privilege not a burden. The very good long-term storytelling, excellent appearing, and little pockets of humor mix to create a compelling sequence with bravado to spare. As the East Coast’s primary Bosch fan (Iliza Shlesinger has earned the honor of LA’s top Bosch fan) and self-proclaimed “bad boy of Bosch content,” I’d like to share a couple of screenshots from my binge session.
My Favorite Part of Bosch Is Lance Reddick Saying Bosch
Lance Reddick is a treasure. Everyone is aware of he’s sensational on The Wire, however should you’ve by no means seen Comedy Central’s phenomenal series Corporate (now streaming on Paramount+!), Reddick will each razzle and dazzle you together with his comedic whimsy. Bosch (the sequence) loves to have numerous characters say the title Bosch — as they need to, it’s a enjoyable title! — nevertheless it doesn’t get any higher than Reddick’s silky baritone supply, which is commonly stated with a enjoyable combine of rage, exhaustion, and aggravation.
Bosch Is Just A Fucking Cool Dude
There are so many little moments that completely illustrate Bosch’s inherent badassery. Referring to a hat a lid? You might as properly begin calling Bosch 7 Up as a result of that’s only a cool spot. Using the time period “grid square” to outline your private area? Bravo. But essentially the most spectacular instance of Bosch being Bosch is the highest left photograph.
If I ever stood like that, a bus depot attendant would inform me to get my filthy sneaker off their wall and cease blocking their lovely Santa Monica promotional artwork. A seaside and a pier? Oh, Santa Monica. Stop spoiling us!
There’s Nothing Quite Like A Brooding Bosch
I love, love, love a great Bosch brood. Harry and/or Maddie Bosch overlooking town and considering the existential surprise of life? Sign me up. Hand me a Flat Tire and shut the hell up as I pensively ponder every horrible resolution I’ve ever made in my foolish, foolish life.
So Much Of Bosch Is People Talking About Bosch
And can you actually blame them?
Day 4: Episodes 51-68: We’ve Reached The End Of The Road, Brother
On Friday, June 18 at 5:49 p.m. ET, I completed the sequence finale of Bosch. I’m not going to kind out all of the lyrics to the Boyz II Men classic “End of the Road,” however simply know that I’ll be personally dissatisfied should you don’t have a good time the sequence by listening to his iconic tune in full.
When Michael Phelps succeeded in his career, he was rewarded with an Olympic gold medal and (in all probability) one of these “free Subway sandwiches for life” playing cards Adam Sandler talked about in Happy Gilmore. All I have are reminiscences. Or do I?
If Bosch has taught me something it’s that A) each single particular person you ever speak to is almost definitely a awful, stinkin’ liar, and B) being trustworthy and direct is the way you succeed as a detective and in life. Guinness World Records additionally provides a “priority application” choice for brand spanking new data that delivers outcomes in solely 5 working days. The unhealthy information is that it prices $1,000. You may suppose that paying a cool grand for a likelihood to try a world document is the textbook definition of hogwash, but according to the Guinness website… it’s not. The honor of offering Guinness with $1,000 is in reality a “worthwhile investment to get your application reviewed ahead of the rest.” Good to know.
Expensing the $1,000 was in all probability a non-starter — a priceless lesson I discovered after buying a D.B. Sweeney Cameo for a very important 2019 article I wrote about The Cutting Edge — so I thought to myself What would Bosch do? The reply? He’d get off his ass and go knock on some doorways. And that’s precisely what I did (figuratively).
Even if Guinness World Records doesn’t formally acknowledge me because the quickest Bosch binger in all of the land, I’ll take consolation in lastly embracing the person, the parable, the legend: Bosch.
From one Bosch fan to one other, get pleasure from Season 7.
The seventh and last season of Bosch premieres Friday, June 25 on Amazon.