Liam Payne stated he hit “rock bottom” throughout his time in One Direction resulting from his use of medication and alcohol.
“I was worried how far my rock bottom was going to be. Where’s rock bottom for me? And you would never have seen it. I’m very good at hiding it,” Payne, 27, said on the “Diary of a CEO” podcast on Monday. “No one would ever have seen it.”
When host Stephen Bartlett requested Payne whether or not he had ever skilled “suicidal ideation” throughout his darkish days, the “Strip That Down” singer replied, “Yeah. There is some stuff that I have definitely never, never spoken about.”
He defined, “It was really, really, really severe. It was a problem. And it was only until I saw myself after that I was like, ‘Right, I need to fix myself.’”
The pop star expressed how a lot his abuse of alcohol had affected his psychological well being.
“There were a few pictures of me on a boat, and I was all bloated out,” Payne recalled. “I call it my pills-and-booze face. My face was just, like, 10 times more than it is now.”
He added, “I just didn’t like myself very much, and then I made a change.”
Payne stated that as a result of he and his former bandmates, Harry Styles, Niall Horan, Louis Tomlinson and Zayn Malik, received so well-known so rapidly, they typically needed to keep of their resort rooms and switch to the mini bar.
“So, at a certain point, I just thought, ‘Well, I’m going to have a party for one,’ and that just seemed to carry on throughout many years of my life,” he remembered. “And then you look back at how long you’ve been drinking, and it’s [like], ‘Jesus Christ, that’s a long time,’ even for someone who was as young as I was. It was wild, but it was the only way you could get the frustration out in the day.”
Payne stated there have been moments of toxicity and that though he’s grateful for being part of the band, he didn’t at all times have freedom.
“As a teen, the one thing you need is freedom to make choices and freedom to do stuff,” he stated. “We were always locked into a room at night. And then it would be car, hotel room, stage, sing, f–ked. So, it was like they pulled the dust cloth off, let us out for a minute to go ‘Woo-hoo!’ then it’s like, ‘Get back underneath here!’”
The “X Factor” alum additionally mirrored on the unhealthy life-style he adopted extra lately through the COVID-19 pandemic, when he instantly went from extraordinarily busy to having nothing to do in any respect.
“I worked through the roof,” he stated. “Then I stopped working, which I thought was going to be really good for me because I was tired, but it was actually the worst thing in the world for me.”
He continued, “I was just finding myself on the sofa for the whole day just watching random Netflix. I’ve seen everything on Netflix.”
The singer additionally defined how straightforward it was to show to alcohol, saying that there have been no boundaries with consuming and he might cover that he was a little bit tipsy on his Zoom calls.
But Payne was in a position to pull himself out of the darkness with “small victories” like going to the health club and checking in with his 4-year-old son, Bear, whom he wasn’t in a position to see a lot throughout lockdown.
“I put on so much weight. I was eating badly. I kind of describe it as a ‘bulking period’, he joked. “I didn’t look how I wanted to look.”
And the principle issue of his weight acquire was consuming booze.
“The hardest part for me was the alcohol. You can’t train and drink. You’re either going to be a rock star or a star at the gym. That’s your choice.”
Payne has now been sober for a month and stated that he feels safer than ever earlier than.
The entertainer confirmed in the identical interview that he recently split from his fiancé, Maya Henry, blaming himself for the downfall of their relationship.